I wish emotions were edible. I’d swallow my feelings whole and wait for them to digest thoroughly, to the point where I could feel nothing at all.
At least I wouldn’t have to go through the daily mental struggle I have with myself, of wishing things were different, wishing the world were more accepting and kinder, wondering if I am in the right place, and trying to stifle my thoughts in the direction of what I’d want to be.
It’s a self imposed struggle, you see, I can back out any time. There is absolutely no pressure put upon me…. yet I feel it would be a shame to back down. I do want to prove my mettle, my worth to the world, but most importantly, I want to win my struggle with me, I want to improve upon myself.
Have you ever felt like you’re 80% interested in something, but where the 20% lies, your heart feels like it would burst with joy? That’s what I am feeling now. Sometimes I feel it would be best to give up this life, and go do something I’d love one hundred percent. What holds me back is the thought that I do have the rest of my life to follow my heart, and what if I regret this decision later.
I do wish my heart were my stomach- each stray emotion that would jump in would meet an acidic death.